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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28911714">Borthdayte</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Warriors - Erin Hunter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Attempt at Humor, Funny, Humor, I'm probably not funny, Other, Yew is the best buff nurse man, don't worry it never goes off, grenade, happy birthday to the series that destroyed my life, i'm mad at Warriors currently, tried to come up with original stuff and found old stuff, yay</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 11:35:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>718</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28911714</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>To poorly celebrate Warriors borth, I've crawled out of my funk temporarily to do something</p><p> </p><p>...else terrible.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Borthdayte</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>At another Gathering…</em>
</p><p>Onestar: All these <em>excessive cats</em> *eyes former kittypets* is why your Clan is so raggedy</p><p>Firestar:… well that’s why your daddy left</p><p>Blackstar:</p><p>Leopardstar: preach</p><p>Firestar: what kind of raggedy is he, Onewhisker? Where he at being all raggedy with that rouge?</p><p>Onestar: <em>*ugly sobs*</em></p><p>---</p><p>Tigerclaw: hey y’all, back at it again at the medicine den</p><p>Tigerclaw: *hurricane kicks herbs*</p><p>---</p><p>Jayfeather: Fine… I’m not entirely qualified to be a medicine cat, since I failed the part of my assessment on making your patient feel secure when you’re operating on them. Leafpool only let me pass because she knew I was her son…</p><p>Kestrelflight: *pats Jay* Aw, that’s okay, boo. I lied about my age to become an apprentice around the same time as you. I’m not quite the spring chicken you think I am!</p><p>Jayfeather: *slowly peels Kestrelflight’s paw away*</p><p>---</p><p>
  <em>In Crowfeather’s Trial…</em>
</p><p>Crowfeather: Hey, maybe we should let Thunderclan actually help us fend off the stoats instead of trying to fight them all of the time... I know we could really use the help...</p><p>Bramblestar: *pointedly* The rabbit is right, and CLEARLY the best among you.</p><p>Crowfeather: Why thank yo- *angry boyfriend noise* WAIT <em>what</em> did you just call me?!</p><p>---</p><p>Tigerclaw: *sweetly* Knock knock</p><p>Fireheart: *opens imaginary door* ooo! Who’s there??</p><p>Tigerclaw: Boo</p><p>Fire: Boo <em>who?</em></p><p>Tigerclaw: *yanks out grenade* boo everyone in this camp about to die if you don’t surrender immediately</p><p>---</p><p>Graystripe: *grabs camera* guys look *points camera at sleeping Fireheart’s face* that right there, folks, that right there is the face of a cold-blooded hypocrite</p><p>Graystripe: don’t let that blep fool you *glares at Fire* coming home with Windclan scent then said I couldn’t kiss my girl</p><p>Fireheart, sleepily: well at least mine can’t get pregnant.</p><p>Graystripe:… … … coLD-BLOODED-</p><p>---</p><p>Ravenpaw: <em>home, home on the range… where the deer and the antelope play…</em></p><p>Barley: <em>Where often is heard, a pot of chili gettin’ stirred, and it has beans in it to last all daaaaaaaaaaaaay!</em>”</p><p>Ravenpaw:</p><p>Ravenpaw: don’t bring your ****ing disgusting beans in this barn or in my chili Barley</p><p>---</p><p>Darktail: And so, this is where my mother shall be avenged. You wronged her and I, and that transgression shall never fade from the tunnel of time. It will remain a stain of rotten dirt on your closing path, dark and filthy as your soul hath become. Do you think the Dark Forest’s jaws will miss their mark simply because you are an ignorant, senile old fool?! They’ll shred you to bits, and the hell if they take me with them! I’ve been marred beyond recognition… I’ve seen all of my best and worst days… and this, I’m glad to inform you, is where yours narrow to a deafeningly silent close!</p><p>Onestar: *claps* well usually I’d have to pay for a performance like that</p><p>---</p><p>Fireheart: *whines* I can’t see the Gatheriiiiiing</p><p>Fireheart: *toddles over to Tigerclaw*</p><p>Fireheart: *raises arms* uppies</p><p>Tigerclaw: <em>?</em></p><p>---</p><p>Ashfur: so maybe I could have a rainbow creature fecal matter frapshake with extra sprinkles and 20 pumps of that syrup stuff some extra pink coloring and some extra purple sprinkled in then if you could actually blend up the ice in it really fine that would be great too</p><p>Brackenfur: alright that’s 100 dollars</p><p>Ashfur: *surprised deer face*</p><p>Ashfur: Fair enough! Now take my money<em>.</em></p><p>---</p><p>Fireheart: *adjusts clipboard* alright sandy I want you to be open and honest with me. Which one of these things speak to you the most</p><p>Options:</p><ul>
<li>A cupcake</li>
<li>A leash</li>
<li>Fireheart’s foot</li>
</ul><p>Sandstorm:.. wha… what’s this test for again</p><p>---</p><p>Crowfeather: I drew a picture!</p><p>Crowfeather: It’s a picture of me and my friend, Brambleclaw!</p><p>Breezepelt: …it looks like you two are smooching and holding hands and eating ice cream</p><p>Crowfeather: *blushing* Yeah… but as friends would!</p><p>Breezepelt: ah</p><p>---</p><p>Yew: so you’re supposed to be this great fighter, right? Supposed to be second-in-command someday soon?</p><p>Crowfeather: Yep!</p><p>Yew: so why did an experienced dude like you not look where he was going and be aware of your surroundings then slipped on a patch of ice resulting in a concussion?</p><p>Crow: um well</p><p>---</p><p>Fireheart: Happee birthday to me! Now I can open my present!</p><p>Fireheart: *opens large box and gasps* Whoa! It says a cake for you, Onesie!</p><p>Onewhisker: …I don’t do requests</p><p>Fireheart: B-but it’s my birthday</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>*sticks on party hat* Fireyboi is old enough to drink apple juice</p><p>hooraaaaay</p><p>wonder what we'll all do when these books are 36</p></blockquote></div></div>
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